This being a Monday, I was cleaning the birds this morning when the phone rang.  Since I was expecting company today I didn’t feel I could ignore it, so I answered.  I’ll paraphrase, but it was close to this:

“Ma’am, this is Microsoft and I am calling to tell you that over the last several days we have noted suspicious activity on your computer which we believe is a virus.  When you allow me to access your computer I can fix this problem for you and”

This is where I break in on him.

“I can’t believe you are wasting my time with this idiotic call.  Do you think I was born yesterday?  You are a complete a**h*** to call someone and try to pull this bu**sh**.  Don’t call me again!”  and I slam the phone down.

The alternate response is this:

“I should give you my bank account numbers and credit card numbers and turn over access to my machine immediately so you can fix this!   However do I thank you?   A**H***!!!”   and slam down phone.

Hard to believe that anyone falls for these scams, but apparently they do.  What kind of person would stoop so low as to do this kind of work for a living?  The only clue?  They always seem to have an Indian accent.

Then there is that b**** RACHEL.  You know, “this is Rachel at Card Holder Services.”  That Rachel.  She should be shot.  Most annoying is that Rachel now often has “Name Unavailable” and a Caller ID number showing the call is from my own local area, causing me to answer the phone thinking it could be someone we know.  I used to “dial one now” to talk to a representative, and then either leave the phone off the hook till they finally realized they’d wasted their time, or give them the spiel I used this morning about wasting my time, etc.

We’ve even seen OUR OWN PHONE NUMBER come up on the caller ID!  Sometimes we hit these calls with the very calm “do you know there is a very stiff fine for spoofing the caller ID number?  Do you know that my caller ID shows that you are from my town? ”  Usually at this point they hang up, but occasionally you will get one that will argue with you.  Sometimes if I’m not busy, keeping them on the line as long as possible is the best part of the game, since they are not making other calls and not making any money off of ME.

I’ve never been much of a phone person anyway.